Our Village Hall .. 40 years on & why I'm prepared to shave my head

I thought I ought to explain why I am willing to shave my head  to raise funds for our village hall...... the following articles go some way to explain, hopefully...

This is a piece that was published in our Parish Magazine, "Towards", earlier this year about our hall.

40 Years On.....

Somerby Memorial Hall celebrates one of those milestone birthdays this year... there's no denying her age as the year 1975 is carved in stone on the front wall!

We are planning to celebrate later in the year & if anyone can help us with memories of when the hall opened we would be really grateful.

Most of us who have got to 40 know that we aren't quite the same as when we were 20.. and that is certainly true of the hall.

In recent years, most of the proceeds from fundraising by the committee and generous donations by the Somerby Vaudevillians & the Fete have gone towards buying equipment for use in the hall & community.

The time has now come to spend some money on the fabric of the building –

1. the roof has developed a couple of leaks which we have had patched, but it really needs more than patching.
2. The rear wall needs re-pointing
3. External & Internal decoration is overdue
4. Kitchen requires updating
5. Roof requires additional insulation.

The hall is a community building for use by all who live in the village & surrounding area. It is a charity, run by volunteers. There is no trust fund nor any other independent means to finance it. The hall depends upon the community for its survival from the monies it receives from hiring and fundraising events.

The work required is going to cost several thousand pounds and while it may be possible to apply for some grants, these are much harder to come by now. All of which, means that the hall is going to need the support of the village more than ever in order to raise the funds needed.

THE HALL IS THERE FOR YOU

whether you want to attend a group that meets there, you want to have your child's birthday party or your own celebration be it birthday, wedding & yes even funeral teas. In addition, the stage, lighting, tables , crockery & cutlery can all be hired for use both in the hall and off site.

Hopefully, with your help & support, we will raise the funds needed and the hall, with it's face “ lifted” will be fit & ready for the next 40 years to play its role along with the pub, shop, school and Doctor's surgery as an integral part in the life of both the village and parish.

Information on fundraising events & regular groups who meet in the hall can be found

on the Noticeboard at the front of the hall ,

or our facebook page www.facebook.com/somerby

or our website www.somerbymemorialhall.co.uk

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Our chair, Lynne, came up with the following idea for fundraising

Somerby memorial hall

40for 40

40 groups to raise a minimum of £40

In order to raise some of the funds needed for the building works the hall requires we are looking for 40 groups of friends, family or businesses to raise a minimum of £40

How you raise the funds is up to you, a sponsored event or just all put some money in to reach the minimum £40.00

We have set up a just giving account for the hall 

www.justgiving.com/somerby-memorialhall

or for those of you who aren't happy using computers, we can supply sponsorship forms

The campaign is running from June to September 2015

Upon completion of the campaign, the successful groups will receive a certificate and their names will be added to a Roll of Honour to be displayed in the Hall .

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I've lived in this village since 2000, for the first couple of years, I kept my head down, hardly went out, went to the odd village event but never stayed long. I think it was the day my house flooded I started to get to know people and found that they were very welcoming & their support over the flooding was brilliant.

A couple of years on and I was asked if I would take up a position on the village hall committee.. I did so albeit reluctantly. I found I enjoyed the monthly meetings but once again stayed in the background... it was the start of a slippery slope I guess. The more you become committed to a community the more important all the constituent parts become.

When the village GP was going to retire, the village got together to save the surgery, a fight which we won. When the Post office was under threat, people once again joined forces to try and save it, not so successfully this time although we still receive an outreach service twice a week. Since I have lived here one of the two pubs has closed & been converted to housing. We do still have the shop, surgery, pub, school and of course the hall but unless we are careful, it will be, oh so easy to lose more of these amenities over the next few years.

Too many of us keep our heads down, avoid eye contact, don't attend village events or even visit the pub!  However, by doing so, in effect,  we kill the community we wished to be part of. I'm not saying move to an area and sign up for every group and committee going, although most of these groups and committees are voluntary and appreciate help.Just try saying "hello", look folk in the eye, try popping to the pub for a swift half. I am a big believer in the saying " give to receive" - if you make the effort to give a little of yourself then you will get so much back from others.

This village is my home, very much so and I am proud to be a part of it. If it takes me shaving my head to raise money for the hall then I am more than prepared to make a fool of myself to do it. After all, it will grow back in a few weeks & hopefully the hall will remain a community asset long after I am gone.

so please, if you can donate, visit

www.justgiving.com/meljd46

or text SHVD57 to 70070 give £3 minimum

Thank you, the more I raise, the less I will mind wearing my woolly hat in midsummer :-)

Filigree - the power of an image

This morning a photograph was posted on @twitter. It was posted by @dougchinnery as part of a series of photographs he is presently working on. Filigree can be seen here.

I looked as I usually do when photos are posted and all of a sudden I remembered.....

I think it must have been 2001, Pete, my best friend, hugger, confidante, "other half","kick up the backside", who died last August, went over to Boston, in the U.S. to visit his sister, Ann.
I think one of his nieces was getting married, I can't recall the details now & they aren't relevant to this blog anyway.

He was away for over a fortnight and when he came back, he brought me lots of presents, scented candles, jewellery, all sorts of little bits, the stuff you buy as pressies. Well, the stuff a lot of folk would buy as pressies but Pete was never one for presents or cards. Among them, was an oak leaf skeleton, covered in gold. Doug's photo brought it to mind..along with all the other gifts Pete brought me back from that trip & there I was, once again, smiling and crying at the same time. 

It played on my mind over breakfast & in the end, I dug out my jewellery box, dusted it off and opened the lid. Inside, among my bits of "tat", I found my dream catcher earrings, another present from the same holiday and in the bottom tray, wrapped carefully in its tissue paper, my gold oak leaf. I knew he loved me but never realised at the time, how much of a gesture it was for him to "treat" me. I do still have all of them, the candles were never lit & are still scented, the jewellery, safe in my trinket box, worth little in monetary terms but priceless to me.

As I commented to Doug at the time, grief comes & hits you at the oddest moments.

It is now 9 months since Pete died & later this month is the anniversary of his terminal diagnosis. Most days, I don't cry. Often I smile at a memory, there are always smiles when Pete comes to mind. Today, it seems to have hit more of a nerve than usual and I had to find a good cd to play in the car on the way to work so I could have a good sing & a cry.
Thank you to the Dixie Chicks, "Wide Open Spaces"  & one song in particular "I'll take care of you" J.D Souther.

Grief is a funny creature and it affects us all differently. This is far worse than anything I've known before but then he wasn't like anyone I've known before. Even though I'm crying whilst typing (not easy), I still feel so lucky our paths crossed that day in 1985 & I shall always thank him for for the love, laughter & friends he brought to my life & for introducing me to the East Midlands which is now, very much, my home.

I know I say it often but I so, so mean it, tell those you love that you do, give them a hug, hold their hand. Be there for each other now, not tomorrow or next week as now is the only certainty for any of us

A visit to Margate Part I

A couple of weeks ago, I returned to my native Kent to see my parents for a few days over the weekend of  Mothering Sunday. Although I live in Leicestershire these days, I do try to keep in touch with what happens in Thanet and had noticed a couple of exhibitions on that weekend that sounded of interest. Having not been to Margate for several years and having read tweets and blogs "bigging up" the area, I was optimistic of seeing a positive change.

Mum said she would accompany me and as the first exhibition was at Bernie's Chocolate Bar, I thought we could treat ourselves to a warming hot chocolate. The seafront was closed to traffic, due to the Moto X event being held on the main sands that weekend but I remembered the back roads and we parked with unexpected ease at the College Road car park. The weather was grey and grim and the breeze cutting but we had still expected that the place would be packed out with people visiting the Moto X. Perhaps they came later in the day. 

This was the scene that greeted us as we came out of the car park

Not particularly inspiring. However we made our way along Lombard and Market Street to the seafront and found the entrance to Bernie's Chocolate Bar, more by luck and not from the wonderful signs(there weren't any - just a couple of fliers in frames). The place was crowded but few were looking at the photos or even drinking chocolate! The exhibition, which was, I think, supposed to be taking the mickey out of Thanet, missed it's mark, well with me, certainly. Looking around the premises, it looked "tired", there was nowhere to sit, and no one who appeared to be in charge of serving or greeting visitors and so we left. I was disappointed, if this was the new improved Margate, then it was probably worse than when I had lived there 20 years ago. We wandered up the lower High St., as far as Henry's, the electrical & camera retailer, much reduced from the shop of days gone by. The High St. still looks sadly unloved but with occasional glimmers of hope - a new hotel,The Sands, created where Joe Lyons used to be, .

Back to the Market Place to mooch among the galleries and cafes, hoping to feel the "creative vibe". Please note, it is clearly best not to want to be creative before 11am and certainly not in the early part of the week! I made sure we wandered around every corner and looked at every gallery - I'm sorry but a few photographs poorly displayed isn't my idea of a gallery. We went into The Margate Gallery as I was interested to see the glass art exhibition that was running. We were barely greeted with a mumble and certainly no word of farewell.. perhaps you only get that if you spend money but there was nothing that really appealed.

Returning to the car, Mum patiently let me take her up to Cliftonville to visit the Viking Gallery, once we were able to find it- more by luck once  again. If you would like to visit, it is in Cliftonville Avenue, opposite the sign for the snooker club.Once again, only open a few days a week and definitely not on Mondays. What is it with Monday? 

Bear in mind my parents both grew up in Margate & Cliftonville so it's not like they or I don't know the area!

This is a newly opened gallery space and has much potential but needs presentation and focus. There was an exhibition by several local photographers on a theme of Focus on Kent. As I write, the details are still on their website, which hasn't been updated. Looking closely at  the works, several of which were priced at a few hundred pounds,one had two scuff marks and another had broken glass in the frame. Certainly no inducement to invest.

Apart from the 15-20 photos on display, one table, two card stands and a chair there was nothing. There were no mounted prints or cards for sale by the artists showing their work, just the works on the wall.

The gentleman who was hosting that day engaged us in conversation about the hopes for this new enterprise. He mentioned another gallery in the Market Place area of Margate that he had been involved with previously. This, it seems is a theme, galleries open, run a few months and then disappear when they clearly don't pay. 

The Viking Gallery could be a really interesting place to visit, sadly, it looks as though they ran out of money before they opened - there is no furniture, no means to make use of the space to hang work at different angles or on display stands. Our host was clearly enthusiastic, it seems a shame that he hasn't the support or a enough of a "product" to market.

I appreciate that the Viking Gallery is in a building of some historic interest (a former Turkish Baths) but it is off of the main shopping area & needs much better signage to attract visitors than the 'A' board we barely spotted. When I was a child, Cliftonville was the "posh" part of Margate, these days she looks more like an aged hooker desperately wearing too much makeup and the wrong clothes in order to try and attract business. Many shops are boarded up or closing down and the pubs don't look the sort you would want to visit. In fact the brightest shop was the recently opened Polish supermarket, a sign of the changing population in this area of Kent. There are still businesses running that have "always" been there and I applaud their guts and determination, although perhaps it's a case of they have no option other than to stay open. New businesses certainly have an uphill battle on their hands.

We returned home, retracing our steps around the back of Margate to avoid the roadblock. I hope the Moto X was a success but it certainly wasn't the sort of day I'd like to be on the seafront. I was disappointed. Margate is missing a trick, the idea is good, the application not so good. I can see the logic for several businesses of the same type setting up in the same area but look at that area, the pavements are stained with gum and bird droppings, the buildings often have paint chipping off them.. there is litter and rubbish at every turn.

It looks scruffy, unloved, unkempt.

Now, it may be officially the responsibility of Thanet District Council to keep it clean but unless and even if they are nagged, I doubt they will respond. It would be good if those running the businesses, particularly, in the Market Place took "ownership" and responsibility for the area themselves. Hire steam cleaners, spend a weekend (or even a Monday) with mops, bucket and brooms and clean the place up? Make it look like somewhere people want to spend time! Fill a few flower baskets to decorate the area. If everyone took the time to sweep the street & pavement outside their shop front every morning  & wash the paintwork & windows regularly, the place would look so much better.You might even shame the Council into helping or tidying their own buildings up too! "People power" is pretty amazing once you get going & it needn't cost a fortune.

Anything that is worth well doing takes a lot of effort and many dark days before it becomes a success.

People aren't going to flock to the galleries just because Turner Contemporary is on the seafront. At the moment, if they do come to visit, then I doubt they will return, the product is poorly displayed, often poorly marketed and I believe from some of the info I have read the fees to mount exhibitions are top dollar for 3rd rate surroundings. Have you never heard of starting lowly and building up? This is Market Place, Margate, NOT Bond Street, London. 

Among the artistic businesses, I noted that a couple of the Margate solicitor's were present in the area.. perhaps they ought to be asked to help. After all, I don't think I've ever come across a poor solicitor...

I wish Margate good luck, no doubt it will be a while until I am back in the area and it would be lovely to feel that someone actually cared about the place on the next visit.

On my way back to Leicestershire, I went to visit a gallery in Brighton, Brighton Photography .Gallery owners of Margate & Cliftonville, please take note, this was a welcoming space with plenty of product on offer at a range of prices to suit all pockets, plenty of options to alter the space to display work and its surroundings were clean and tidy. Oh & it is open SEVEN days a week! I know which one I will definitely return to .

Life and death - thoughts on

Those of you who follow me elsewhere on the internet will know that my best friend of nearly 30 yrs was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer a couple of months ago. If his GP had been on her mettle and referred him to a specialist months before, then it may well not have been a terminal diagnosis but that is a matter for another time & place.

There isn't a day when I don't think of him, we have lived, loved, laughed and cried together, we have had others try to keep us apart but all to no avail. He describes me as "his brains" - paperwork lands in my lap & for me, he is my "kick up the backside". When we need an "other" at a social or family good or bad, we are there for each other. He is far from gone yet but oh what a huge hole will he leave in my life when he is no longer at the end of a phone or there for a hug or just to share a coffee and companionable silence.

That, however, is not why I feel compelled to put fingers to keyboard....what I find increasingly difficult to handle is how blinkered our society is to its own mortality. 
You are clearly not supposed to discuss death or terminal illness in public. It is completely absurd how people talk round it, pretend you didn't mention it or utter platitudes which can sound insincere no matter how well meant. It is also noticeable how many "friends" vanish into the background and don't visit, just at the time when the support of a good friend really counts.

We will all die, so why are we so uncomfortable talking about it? I am not being brave about this at all as has been said by several people.Far from it, I just promised myself at the start of this journey I wouldn't cry in front of my friend. Crying is for when I'm alone, we all have to make the most of the time he has left and that should be filled with as much laughter as we can muster. I am angry about the incompetence that has got us to this point but that too, is not for now, there will be time enough for dealing with that when my friend is no longer here. For now we have a will to write, a funeral to plan, paperwork to sort out and in between, making every moment count.

I have already learned so much and am sure more will be learned before this is done. Prior to my friend's illness I hadn't had the good fortune to visit a hospice, although I have lost several friends to cancer. I have found the LOROS hospice to be a place of great peace and positivity. I know another friend has already become a fundraiser for them and I can well understand why.They do such a wonderful job both in supporting my friend and his family and will no doubt play a bigger part in the time to come.

I have come to the conclusion that everyone should write a will, even if it's only to leave our stamp collection to the cats home! If we did, then the government would not benefit to the tune of several million pounds a year, those assets would go to friends, family, charities, places they would matter, instead of disappearing into the void that is the government coffers.

I also think we should give thought to planning & if possible paying for our funeral instead of leaving it for others to arrange at a time when there is already much distress. A funeral should be a celebration of a life so why not plan it the same as other celebrations such as weddings, anniversaries, notable birthdays? It is, after all just another step along the path. Funeral director's will provide quotes for their various services, there are websites which explain the do's & don't's, the legal requirements - no different to planning any other family event, yet there seems a great reluctance to do so. At least if you plan your own funeral, you will get what you want, not what others think you "should have".

Several years ago a friend of mine in the village committed suicide and I was the one who initiated raising the alarm. People kept telling me how I'd done a really good thing. I hadn't at all. If I had realised how bad things were with him and he was still here then that would have been a good thing. Others suspected what had happened but hadn't put thought into deed... once again death was involved and once again no one wanted to think about it.

I'm not saying count down the days til you are in the cemetery, just acknowledge mortality. Talk about it, make it normal, which it is and not the "elephant in the room" it has become. Live life for the moment. Thankfully, no one knows how long their life will be & we must accept that we won't all make it to our 90's but as long as we have made the most of our time, that's what matters. 

Websites I have found useful

Dying Matters

Natural Death Centre

Just do me a big favour & think before...

you open that bottle of wine this evening or crack that can of beer...let me explain.

Today is the birthday of my oldest friend ,as in known for the longest time, since we were 5. Sadly, she isn't here to celebrate, she died several years ago at the age of 42, when her liver failed through alcohol abuse.

As kids we played, went for bike rides, argued, laughed, even going to different secondary schools didn't get in the way, we kept in touch & this was way before mobile phones and computers, deemed so vital today. When she got married, I was there, at the hen nights and the weddings - there were a couple of those, each a beautiful day. Both being left handed, co-ordination was never our strong point.. we collided with each other while out riding our bikes on at least one occasion! I always envisaged we would tangle our zimmer frames when the time came but sadly that is not to be.

I'm not out to spoil anybody's fun, I truly don't want that.I am a big believer of all things in moderation
& know from observation how easy it is to have another glass, to crack another can and then another...all too soon its a couple of bottles of wine... a couple of packs of beer...as the body becomes alcohol tolerant and requires more to get the same buzz is used to provide. Alcohol is a depressant, so never will make you feel better about anything long term.

My friend was going through a divorce and custody battle, she worked hard, had a good job and drank like so many when she finished work. Noone thought she had a serious drink problem until she collapsed and was rushed to hospital. If she had died then, that would have been tragic enough but she appeared to have come through the attack and was making plans to return to her family and seek help. In the afternoon she was making plans, by 10pm she was dead!

So, tonight, please, think of what happened to my friend , of the family left behind including a young son robbed of his Mum. Think of your body & your family, love yourself and look after yourself. Don't become another victim

Customer service ... or rather the lack of it...again

Last week I contacted Premier Foods in an effort to try and find out why Batchelor's Condensed Reduced Fat Soups were disappearing from the shelves of the supermarket. I received a standard email by return acknowledging my query and promising a detailed reply with in a couple of days, hopefully.

It took nearly a week in the end and the reply I received was clearly from someone who could barely conceal his contempt at having to reply to me, a mere and lowly customer. It turns out that now tinned
products have been passed to Prince's foods, a fresh email address was supplied and I am awaiting the response from Prince's.

I was really annoyed at the offhandedness of the reply from Premier Foods, so I sent a further email to the gentleman concerned just reminding him that without folks like me buying his company's products, he would no longer have a job, just his P45. I received the standard response, promising a detailed reply within a couple of days... I am not hopeful.

I have today purchased an additional external hdd for my aging laptop, mainly so I can try & get it refurbished , the laptop, that is. As per usual, this has involved several weeks of looking and researching.
In the end, I decided to have another Western Digital and although its not my favourite place to shop PC World had them in stock at a keen price.

In order not to have a wasted trip driving to Leicester, I reserved online to collect in store. I don't know who
designs their stores but they are no more welcoming than when I last visited several years ago to buy my first external hdd. An assistant was stood at the counter,  so I approached him and explained the purpose of my visit. He consulted his screen, checked my name, then just wandered off without a word, to collect the package. He barely tried to catch my eye, let alone engage in any form of conversation. I had to guess  where he was going and what was happening next. He never asked if there was anything else I wanted, ignored my half joking request for discount and shut the till as soon as he could so he could wander aimlessly off once more.

I rarely go "shopping" as such, funds are too scarce and I have pretty much all that I need to survive. I freely admit to being an advertisers nightmare. I do understand though, that there are millions of people in this country who think differently and say they enjoy shopping. I also see articles in the press and on television describing how the "retail experience" should be a pleasurable one.  I seem to recall, in days gone by, shop assistants in shops like PC World, would be trying to sell you all sorts of extras... if he had asked I might have been in the market to replace a couple of items but he didn't, so its their loss.

In these days when money is tight, I should have thought that retail businesses would have been going out of their way to make every visit a pleasant one, in order that you will spend your money with them and even go back to them for further purchases.

Am I wrong????

When our customers ring to book a pallet collection, we make conversation with them, even crack the occasional joke with those we know well. It is our job to encourage them to send their goods with us, we know the service we offer is excellent and our rates are keen but its about building relationships, going that bit further to answer a query, winning their confidence, so that they know they can dial our number in any delivery/collection crisis and we will do our utmost to help them out.

Surely, its a similar thing when you go shopping, so please, shop assistants, retailers, listen up, you need us and we want to enjoy shopping no matter how rare our trips may be. At the very least, look us in the eye, a little conversation & a smile go a long way to brightening everyone's day. It may just be the deal clincher!

Skool Reunion - Park Lane, Birchington

Last Saturday was the date for this year's Primary School Reunion. I went to the first one, but for various reasons havent been to any more until this, the tenth.

It was back in the days when I was new to the internet & a friend suggested I look on "Friends Reunited".Upon checking the listing for my primary/junior school.. among the profiles was a message asking whatever had happened to me? In those days you had to pay £5 to contact someone via the site, so I duly paid my money and got back in touch with the friend who had left the message. Over the course of the next few months, he managed to contact several more of us & the idea of the Reunion was born.

I just tried to find a photo of that first one but its eluding me for now, I think that 14 or 15 of us made it. This year, though I dont know if any more arrived after I left on Saturday, there were 10 of us.It was really good to catch up and also to remember those who are no longer with us.
None of us has got this far without an illness, injury or scar. Apart from myself, all who were there have partners and I think, ... though I stand to be corrected, most have children, nearly all of whom are grown up. And strangely enough, I was the only one with neon pink hair :-) !

Since my return, when I have said where I was last weekend, most people have commented on it being unusual to have a primary school reunion. It was never something I had thought about. My secondary school was obviously a bigger school and I know they hold reunions fairly often though I have never been to one. I have only kept in touch with one friend from secondary school and through her hear of a few others.

I think its great that the friendships we formed on our first steps in the big wide world have endured over forty years. Despite not living in each others pockets, when we get together, the years dont matter, the friendships continue as if we had never been apart.

Our 50th birthdays are not far off ... wonder what mischief we will get up to that year....