Our Village Hall .. 40 years on & why I'm prepared to shave my head

I thought I ought to explain why I am willing to shave my head  to raise funds for our village hall...... the following articles go some way to explain, hopefully...

This is a piece that was published in our Parish Magazine, "Towards", earlier this year about our hall.

40 Years On.....

Somerby Memorial Hall celebrates one of those milestone birthdays this year... there's no denying her age as the year 1975 is carved in stone on the front wall!

We are planning to celebrate later in the year & if anyone can help us with memories of when the hall opened we would be really grateful.

Most of us who have got to 40 know that we aren't quite the same as when we were 20.. and that is certainly true of the hall.

In recent years, most of the proceeds from fundraising by the committee and generous donations by the Somerby Vaudevillians & the Fete have gone towards buying equipment for use in the hall & community.

The time has now come to spend some money on the fabric of the building –

1. the roof has developed a couple of leaks which we have had patched, but it really needs more than patching.
2. The rear wall needs re-pointing
3. External & Internal decoration is overdue
4. Kitchen requires updating
5. Roof requires additional insulation.

The hall is a community building for use by all who live in the village & surrounding area. It is a charity, run by volunteers. There is no trust fund nor any other independent means to finance it. The hall depends upon the community for its survival from the monies it receives from hiring and fundraising events.

The work required is going to cost several thousand pounds and while it may be possible to apply for some grants, these are much harder to come by now. All of which, means that the hall is going to need the support of the village more than ever in order to raise the funds needed.

THE HALL IS THERE FOR YOU

whether you want to attend a group that meets there, you want to have your child's birthday party or your own celebration be it birthday, wedding & yes even funeral teas. In addition, the stage, lighting, tables , crockery & cutlery can all be hired for use both in the hall and off site.

Hopefully, with your help & support, we will raise the funds needed and the hall, with it's face “ lifted” will be fit & ready for the next 40 years to play its role along with the pub, shop, school and Doctor's surgery as an integral part in the life of both the village and parish.

Information on fundraising events & regular groups who meet in the hall can be found

on the Noticeboard at the front of the hall ,

or our facebook page www.facebook.com/somerby

or our website www.somerbymemorialhall.co.uk

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Our chair, Lynne, came up with the following idea for fundraising

Somerby memorial hall

40for 40

40 groups to raise a minimum of £40

In order to raise some of the funds needed for the building works the hall requires we are looking for 40 groups of friends, family or businesses to raise a minimum of £40

How you raise the funds is up to you, a sponsored event or just all put some money in to reach the minimum £40.00

We have set up a just giving account for the hall 

www.justgiving.com/somerby-memorialhall

or for those of you who aren't happy using computers, we can supply sponsorship forms

The campaign is running from June to September 2015

Upon completion of the campaign, the successful groups will receive a certificate and their names will be added to a Roll of Honour to be displayed in the Hall .

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I've lived in this village since 2000, for the first couple of years, I kept my head down, hardly went out, went to the odd village event but never stayed long. I think it was the day my house flooded I started to get to know people and found that they were very welcoming & their support over the flooding was brilliant.

A couple of years on and I was asked if I would take up a position on the village hall committee.. I did so albeit reluctantly. I found I enjoyed the monthly meetings but once again stayed in the background... it was the start of a slippery slope I guess. The more you become committed to a community the more important all the constituent parts become.

When the village GP was going to retire, the village got together to save the surgery, a fight which we won. When the Post office was under threat, people once again joined forces to try and save it, not so successfully this time although we still receive an outreach service twice a week. Since I have lived here one of the two pubs has closed & been converted to housing. We do still have the shop, surgery, pub, school and of course the hall but unless we are careful, it will be, oh so easy to lose more of these amenities over the next few years.

Too many of us keep our heads down, avoid eye contact, don't attend village events or even visit the pub!  However, by doing so, in effect,  we kill the community we wished to be part of. I'm not saying move to an area and sign up for every group and committee going, although most of these groups and committees are voluntary and appreciate help.Just try saying "hello", look folk in the eye, try popping to the pub for a swift half. I am a big believer in the saying " give to receive" - if you make the effort to give a little of yourself then you will get so much back from others.

This village is my home, very much so and I am proud to be a part of it. If it takes me shaving my head to raise money for the hall then I am more than prepared to make a fool of myself to do it. After all, it will grow back in a few weeks & hopefully the hall will remain a community asset long after I am gone.

so please, if you can donate, visit

www.justgiving.com/meljd46

or text SHVD57 to 70070 give £3 minimum

Thank you, the more I raise, the less I will mind wearing my woolly hat in midsummer :-)

Filigree - the power of an image

This morning a photograph was posted on @twitter. It was posted by @dougchinnery as part of a series of photographs he is presently working on. Filigree can be seen here.

I looked as I usually do when photos are posted and all of a sudden I remembered.....

I think it must have been 2001, Pete, my best friend, hugger, confidante, "other half","kick up the backside", who died last August, went over to Boston, in the U.S. to visit his sister, Ann.
I think one of his nieces was getting married, I can't recall the details now & they aren't relevant to this blog anyway.

He was away for over a fortnight and when he came back, he brought me lots of presents, scented candles, jewellery, all sorts of little bits, the stuff you buy as pressies. Well, the stuff a lot of folk would buy as pressies but Pete was never one for presents or cards. Among them, was an oak leaf skeleton, covered in gold. Doug's photo brought it to mind..along with all the other gifts Pete brought me back from that trip & there I was, once again, smiling and crying at the same time. 

It played on my mind over breakfast & in the end, I dug out my jewellery box, dusted it off and opened the lid. Inside, among my bits of "tat", I found my dream catcher earrings, another present from the same holiday and in the bottom tray, wrapped carefully in its tissue paper, my gold oak leaf. I knew he loved me but never realised at the time, how much of a gesture it was for him to "treat" me. I do still have all of them, the candles were never lit & are still scented, the jewellery, safe in my trinket box, worth little in monetary terms but priceless to me.

As I commented to Doug at the time, grief comes & hits you at the oddest moments.

It is now 9 months since Pete died & later this month is the anniversary of his terminal diagnosis. Most days, I don't cry. Often I smile at a memory, there are always smiles when Pete comes to mind. Today, it seems to have hit more of a nerve than usual and I had to find a good cd to play in the car on the way to work so I could have a good sing & a cry.
Thank you to the Dixie Chicks, "Wide Open Spaces"  & one song in particular "I'll take care of you" J.D Souther.

Grief is a funny creature and it affects us all differently. This is far worse than anything I've known before but then he wasn't like anyone I've known before. Even though I'm crying whilst typing (not easy), I still feel so lucky our paths crossed that day in 1985 & I shall always thank him for for the love, laughter & friends he brought to my life & for introducing me to the East Midlands which is now, very much, my home.

I know I say it often but I so, so mean it, tell those you love that you do, give them a hug, hold their hand. Be there for each other now, not tomorrow or next week as now is the only certainty for any of us

A visit to Margate Part I

A couple of weeks ago, I returned to my native Kent to see my parents for a few days over the weekend of  Mothering Sunday. Although I live in Leicestershire these days, I do try to keep in touch with what happens in Thanet and had noticed a couple of exhibitions on that weekend that sounded of interest. Having not been to Margate for several years and having read tweets and blogs "bigging up" the area, I was optimistic of seeing a positive change.

Mum said she would accompany me and as the first exhibition was at Bernie's Chocolate Bar, I thought we could treat ourselves to a warming hot chocolate. The seafront was closed to traffic, due to the Moto X event being held on the main sands that weekend but I remembered the back roads and we parked with unexpected ease at the College Road car park. The weather was grey and grim and the breeze cutting but we had still expected that the place would be packed out with people visiting the Moto X. Perhaps they came later in the day. 

This was the scene that greeted us as we came out of the car park

Not particularly inspiring. However we made our way along Lombard and Market Street to the seafront and found the entrance to Bernie's Chocolate Bar, more by luck and not from the wonderful signs(there weren't any - just a couple of fliers in frames). The place was crowded but few were looking at the photos or even drinking chocolate! The exhibition, which was, I think, supposed to be taking the mickey out of Thanet, missed it's mark, well with me, certainly. Looking around the premises, it looked "tired", there was nowhere to sit, and no one who appeared to be in charge of serving or greeting visitors and so we left. I was disappointed, if this was the new improved Margate, then it was probably worse than when I had lived there 20 years ago. We wandered up the lower High St., as far as Henry's, the electrical & camera retailer, much reduced from the shop of days gone by. The High St. still looks sadly unloved but with occasional glimmers of hope - a new hotel,The Sands, created where Joe Lyons used to be, .

Back to the Market Place to mooch among the galleries and cafes, hoping to feel the "creative vibe". Please note, it is clearly best not to want to be creative before 11am and certainly not in the early part of the week! I made sure we wandered around every corner and looked at every gallery - I'm sorry but a few photographs poorly displayed isn't my idea of a gallery. We went into The Margate Gallery as I was interested to see the glass art exhibition that was running. We were barely greeted with a mumble and certainly no word of farewell.. perhaps you only get that if you spend money but there was nothing that really appealed.

Returning to the car, Mum patiently let me take her up to Cliftonville to visit the Viking Gallery, once we were able to find it- more by luck once  again. If you would like to visit, it is in Cliftonville Avenue, opposite the sign for the snooker club.Once again, only open a few days a week and definitely not on Mondays. What is it with Monday? 

Bear in mind my parents both grew up in Margate & Cliftonville so it's not like they or I don't know the area!

This is a newly opened gallery space and has much potential but needs presentation and focus. There was an exhibition by several local photographers on a theme of Focus on Kent. As I write, the details are still on their website, which hasn't been updated. Looking closely at  the works, several of which were priced at a few hundred pounds,one had two scuff marks and another had broken glass in the frame. Certainly no inducement to invest.

Apart from the 15-20 photos on display, one table, two card stands and a chair there was nothing. There were no mounted prints or cards for sale by the artists showing their work, just the works on the wall.

The gentleman who was hosting that day engaged us in conversation about the hopes for this new enterprise. He mentioned another gallery in the Market Place area of Margate that he had been involved with previously. This, it seems is a theme, galleries open, run a few months and then disappear when they clearly don't pay. 

The Viking Gallery could be a really interesting place to visit, sadly, it looks as though they ran out of money before they opened - there is no furniture, no means to make use of the space to hang work at different angles or on display stands. Our host was clearly enthusiastic, it seems a shame that he hasn't the support or a enough of a "product" to market.

I appreciate that the Viking Gallery is in a building of some historic interest (a former Turkish Baths) but it is off of the main shopping area & needs much better signage to attract visitors than the 'A' board we barely spotted. When I was a child, Cliftonville was the "posh" part of Margate, these days she looks more like an aged hooker desperately wearing too much makeup and the wrong clothes in order to try and attract business. Many shops are boarded up or closing down and the pubs don't look the sort you would want to visit. In fact the brightest shop was the recently opened Polish supermarket, a sign of the changing population in this area of Kent. There are still businesses running that have "always" been there and I applaud their guts and determination, although perhaps it's a case of they have no option other than to stay open. New businesses certainly have an uphill battle on their hands.

We returned home, retracing our steps around the back of Margate to avoid the roadblock. I hope the Moto X was a success but it certainly wasn't the sort of day I'd like to be on the seafront. I was disappointed. Margate is missing a trick, the idea is good, the application not so good. I can see the logic for several businesses of the same type setting up in the same area but look at that area, the pavements are stained with gum and bird droppings, the buildings often have paint chipping off them.. there is litter and rubbish at every turn.

It looks scruffy, unloved, unkempt.

Now, it may be officially the responsibility of Thanet District Council to keep it clean but unless and even if they are nagged, I doubt they will respond. It would be good if those running the businesses, particularly, in the Market Place took "ownership" and responsibility for the area themselves. Hire steam cleaners, spend a weekend (or even a Monday) with mops, bucket and brooms and clean the place up? Make it look like somewhere people want to spend time! Fill a few flower baskets to decorate the area. If everyone took the time to sweep the street & pavement outside their shop front every morning  & wash the paintwork & windows regularly, the place would look so much better.You might even shame the Council into helping or tidying their own buildings up too! "People power" is pretty amazing once you get going & it needn't cost a fortune.

Anything that is worth well doing takes a lot of effort and many dark days before it becomes a success.

People aren't going to flock to the galleries just because Turner Contemporary is on the seafront. At the moment, if they do come to visit, then I doubt they will return, the product is poorly displayed, often poorly marketed and I believe from some of the info I have read the fees to mount exhibitions are top dollar for 3rd rate surroundings. Have you never heard of starting lowly and building up? This is Market Place, Margate, NOT Bond Street, London. 

Among the artistic businesses, I noted that a couple of the Margate solicitor's were present in the area.. perhaps they ought to be asked to help. After all, I don't think I've ever come across a poor solicitor...

I wish Margate good luck, no doubt it will be a while until I am back in the area and it would be lovely to feel that someone actually cared about the place on the next visit.

On my way back to Leicestershire, I went to visit a gallery in Brighton, Brighton Photography .Gallery owners of Margate & Cliftonville, please take note, this was a welcoming space with plenty of product on offer at a range of prices to suit all pockets, plenty of options to alter the space to display work and its surroundings were clean and tidy. Oh & it is open SEVEN days a week! I know which one I will definitely return to .

Life and death - thoughts on

Those of you who follow me elsewhere on the internet will know that my best friend of nearly 30 yrs was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer a couple of months ago. If his GP had been on her mettle and referred him to a specialist months before, then it may well not have been a terminal diagnosis but that is a matter for another time & place.

There isn't a day when I don't think of him, we have lived, loved, laughed and cried together, we have had others try to keep us apart but all to no avail. He describes me as "his brains" - paperwork lands in my lap & for me, he is my "kick up the backside". When we need an "other" at a social or family good or bad, we are there for each other. He is far from gone yet but oh what a huge hole will he leave in my life when he is no longer at the end of a phone or there for a hug or just to share a coffee and companionable silence.

That, however, is not why I feel compelled to put fingers to keyboard....what I find increasingly difficult to handle is how blinkered our society is to its own mortality. 
You are clearly not supposed to discuss death or terminal illness in public. It is completely absurd how people talk round it, pretend you didn't mention it or utter platitudes which can sound insincere no matter how well meant. It is also noticeable how many "friends" vanish into the background and don't visit, just at the time when the support of a good friend really counts.

We will all die, so why are we so uncomfortable talking about it? I am not being brave about this at all as has been said by several people.Far from it, I just promised myself at the start of this journey I wouldn't cry in front of my friend. Crying is for when I'm alone, we all have to make the most of the time he has left and that should be filled with as much laughter as we can muster. I am angry about the incompetence that has got us to this point but that too, is not for now, there will be time enough for dealing with that when my friend is no longer here. For now we have a will to write, a funeral to plan, paperwork to sort out and in between, making every moment count.

I have already learned so much and am sure more will be learned before this is done. Prior to my friend's illness I hadn't had the good fortune to visit a hospice, although I have lost several friends to cancer. I have found the LOROS hospice to be a place of great peace and positivity. I know another friend has already become a fundraiser for them and I can well understand why.They do such a wonderful job both in supporting my friend and his family and will no doubt play a bigger part in the time to come.

I have come to the conclusion that everyone should write a will, even if it's only to leave our stamp collection to the cats home! If we did, then the government would not benefit to the tune of several million pounds a year, those assets would go to friends, family, charities, places they would matter, instead of disappearing into the void that is the government coffers.

I also think we should give thought to planning & if possible paying for our funeral instead of leaving it for others to arrange at a time when there is already much distress. A funeral should be a celebration of a life so why not plan it the same as other celebrations such as weddings, anniversaries, notable birthdays? It is, after all just another step along the path. Funeral director's will provide quotes for their various services, there are websites which explain the do's & don't's, the legal requirements - no different to planning any other family event, yet there seems a great reluctance to do so. At least if you plan your own funeral, you will get what you want, not what others think you "should have".

Several years ago a friend of mine in the village committed suicide and I was the one who initiated raising the alarm. People kept telling me how I'd done a really good thing. I hadn't at all. If I had realised how bad things were with him and he was still here then that would have been a good thing. Others suspected what had happened but hadn't put thought into deed... once again death was involved and once again no one wanted to think about it.

I'm not saying count down the days til you are in the cemetery, just acknowledge mortality. Talk about it, make it normal, which it is and not the "elephant in the room" it has become. Live life for the moment. Thankfully, no one knows how long their life will be & we must accept that we won't all make it to our 90's but as long as we have made the most of our time, that's what matters. 

Websites I have found useful

Dying Matters

Natural Death Centre

Just do me a big favour & think before...

you open that bottle of wine this evening or crack that can of beer...let me explain.

Today is the birthday of my oldest friend ,as in known for the longest time, since we were 5. Sadly, she isn't here to celebrate, she died several years ago at the age of 42, when her liver failed through alcohol abuse.

As kids we played, went for bike rides, argued, laughed, even going to different secondary schools didn't get in the way, we kept in touch & this was way before mobile phones and computers, deemed so vital today. When she got married, I was there, at the hen nights and the weddings - there were a couple of those, each a beautiful day. Both being left handed, co-ordination was never our strong point.. we collided with each other while out riding our bikes on at least one occasion! I always envisaged we would tangle our zimmer frames when the time came but sadly that is not to be.

I'm not out to spoil anybody's fun, I truly don't want that.I am a big believer of all things in moderation
& know from observation how easy it is to have another glass, to crack another can and then another...all too soon its a couple of bottles of wine... a couple of packs of beer...as the body becomes alcohol tolerant and requires more to get the same buzz is used to provide. Alcohol is a depressant, so never will make you feel better about anything long term.

My friend was going through a divorce and custody battle, she worked hard, had a good job and drank like so many when she finished work. Noone thought she had a serious drink problem until she collapsed and was rushed to hospital. If she had died then, that would have been tragic enough but she appeared to have come through the attack and was making plans to return to her family and seek help. In the afternoon she was making plans, by 10pm she was dead!

So, tonight, please, think of what happened to my friend , of the family left behind including a young son robbed of his Mum. Think of your body & your family, love yourself and look after yourself. Don't become another victim

Customer service ... or rather the lack of it...again

Last week I contacted Premier Foods in an effort to try and find out why Batchelor's Condensed Reduced Fat Soups were disappearing from the shelves of the supermarket. I received a standard email by return acknowledging my query and promising a detailed reply with in a couple of days, hopefully.

It took nearly a week in the end and the reply I received was clearly from someone who could barely conceal his contempt at having to reply to me, a mere and lowly customer. It turns out that now tinned
products have been passed to Prince's foods, a fresh email address was supplied and I am awaiting the response from Prince's.

I was really annoyed at the offhandedness of the reply from Premier Foods, so I sent a further email to the gentleman concerned just reminding him that without folks like me buying his company's products, he would no longer have a job, just his P45. I received the standard response, promising a detailed reply within a couple of days... I am not hopeful.

I have today purchased an additional external hdd for my aging laptop, mainly so I can try & get it refurbished , the laptop, that is. As per usual, this has involved several weeks of looking and researching.
In the end, I decided to have another Western Digital and although its not my favourite place to shop PC World had them in stock at a keen price.

In order not to have a wasted trip driving to Leicester, I reserved online to collect in store. I don't know who
designs their stores but they are no more welcoming than when I last visited several years ago to buy my first external hdd. An assistant was stood at the counter,  so I approached him and explained the purpose of my visit. He consulted his screen, checked my name, then just wandered off without a word, to collect the package. He barely tried to catch my eye, let alone engage in any form of conversation. I had to guess  where he was going and what was happening next. He never asked if there was anything else I wanted, ignored my half joking request for discount and shut the till as soon as he could so he could wander aimlessly off once more.

I rarely go "shopping" as such, funds are too scarce and I have pretty much all that I need to survive. I freely admit to being an advertisers nightmare. I do understand though, that there are millions of people in this country who think differently and say they enjoy shopping. I also see articles in the press and on television describing how the "retail experience" should be a pleasurable one.  I seem to recall, in days gone by, shop assistants in shops like PC World, would be trying to sell you all sorts of extras... if he had asked I might have been in the market to replace a couple of items but he didn't, so its their loss.

In these days when money is tight, I should have thought that retail businesses would have been going out of their way to make every visit a pleasant one, in order that you will spend your money with them and even go back to them for further purchases.

Am I wrong????

When our customers ring to book a pallet collection, we make conversation with them, even crack the occasional joke with those we know well. It is our job to encourage them to send their goods with us, we know the service we offer is excellent and our rates are keen but its about building relationships, going that bit further to answer a query, winning their confidence, so that they know they can dial our number in any delivery/collection crisis and we will do our utmost to help them out.

Surely, its a similar thing when you go shopping, so please, shop assistants, retailers, listen up, you need us and we want to enjoy shopping no matter how rare our trips may be. At the very least, look us in the eye, a little conversation & a smile go a long way to brightening everyone's day. It may just be the deal clincher!

Skool Reunion - Park Lane, Birchington

Last Saturday was the date for this year's Primary School Reunion. I went to the first one, but for various reasons havent been to any more until this, the tenth.

It was back in the days when I was new to the internet & a friend suggested I look on "Friends Reunited".Upon checking the listing for my primary/junior school.. among the profiles was a message asking whatever had happened to me? In those days you had to pay £5 to contact someone via the site, so I duly paid my money and got back in touch with the friend who had left the message. Over the course of the next few months, he managed to contact several more of us & the idea of the Reunion was born.

I just tried to find a photo of that first one but its eluding me for now, I think that 14 or 15 of us made it. This year, though I dont know if any more arrived after I left on Saturday, there were 10 of us.It was really good to catch up and also to remember those who are no longer with us.
None of us has got this far without an illness, injury or scar. Apart from myself, all who were there have partners and I think, ... though I stand to be corrected, most have children, nearly all of whom are grown up. And strangely enough, I was the only one with neon pink hair :-) !

Since my return, when I have said where I was last weekend, most people have commented on it being unusual to have a primary school reunion. It was never something I had thought about. My secondary school was obviously a bigger school and I know they hold reunions fairly often though I have never been to one. I have only kept in touch with one friend from secondary school and through her hear of a few others.

I think its great that the friendships we formed on our first steps in the big wide world have endured over forty years. Despite not living in each others pockets, when we get together, the years dont matter, the friendships continue as if we had never been apart.

Our 50th birthdays are not far off ... wonder what mischief we will get up to that year....

You didn't spoil our reunion despite your best efforts!

I went back to Kent at the weekend, to see family & it was also my Primary school reunion - the Class of '75.


As for the previous 9yrs, the "Powell Arms" pub in the Square at Birchington was the venue to meet up. Any time from 1pm...this year the idea was to go for a curry later on but the arrangement is always flexible, just make it if you can, even if not for the full duration.


I arrived shortly after 1pm and over the next hour or so several others arrived.We were set for a relaxing afternoon when the barman came across to inform us that the "owner/manager", Mr Steve Hayden, had been on the phone and instructed him to close the pub immediately. The pub normally is open all day and has a sign outside to say so.


Stunned & amazed, we explained that we were holding a reunion and had arranged to meet at the pub during the afternoon/early evening. The young man apologised but said that there was no option than to close. We asked if we could leave a notice on the door to advise latecomers where we were and notice posted, adjourned to another pub, "The Acorn", a short distance away.


Luckily, the landlord of "The Acorn" was happy to take our money on a wet, miserable day so we settled in for a lovely afternoon.


Mr Steve Hayden, apparently has another pub in Westgate on Sea, "The Nott", I believe is its name these days, though it was always the "Nottingham Castle" when I lived in Thanet. If this is his way of treating customers then I dont forsee a long future for either establishment which, in the case of the "Powell Arms" would be a shame.


Customers' money is what pays the bills. It pays to give them a good experience when they visit or else they WON'T return but they WILL tell others.



I would have thought that ten or more folks chatting and drinking steadily for several hours would be worth staying open for but clearly Mr Hayden has a different take on the matter.

On being single at any time & especially at Christmas

I am approaching my half century - well Im nearer to it than my 21st!I have lived alone for the past 11 years, not necessarily through my own choosing but my "knight in shining armour" has failed to locate me as yet. Im still hopeful but I have to accept his charger is probably lame these days, his lance will be bent, his armour rusty & if he has a satnav, well its one thats taken him the long way round!No sympathy required, I have had my share of boyfriends in that time but just none that went on to become anything more.

I dont mind being single.To be honest, Im not sure that I could or would want to share my life on a "full time" basis now. I know Im lucky in that I enjoy my own company and these days will head off to do most things alone. At least that way I get to do what I want to do. I am also blessed with some lovely friends so apart from being a bit short on hugs I dont feel I miss on much.

What does annoy me though is the attitude of society to single people. If you are a single, you are considered almost to be a liability, an oddball, misfit or that's how it feels at the receiving end. A few years ago, when I was ill and unable to easily travel home, a friend used to invite me to join her family for Christmas dinner. This arrangement went on for several years until one year she commented that the next time they were going to have just a "family Christmas" without the "hangers on". Now that phrase has stuck with me ever since. I would hate to be thought of as a "hanger on". I used to join them for dinner and leave afterwards, was careful not to outstay my welcome so that comment cut very deep.

Lots of folk seem to think Im mad for not heading home to my family, though my family understand and respect my decision which is after all, all that matters. It would involve a journey of a min. 3 hrs to spend 2 days, only to head back on Tuesday at a time of year when the weather is not at its finest. My folks were up the other week in any case to celebrate my birthday so its not like we dont see each other. This way I actually do get to wind down, relax, have a lie in, enjoy food at a time that suits me and do whatever else I please. I was chatting with someone last night who said he would love to be able to spend Christmas at home with his wife and no one else instead of which, they trundle from one relative to another as do countless other folks this time of year.

The media this week had a splurge on making sure that "your neighbour is not alone" this Christmas. An example, no matter how well meant, of making singles out to be requiring of sympathy and charity. Now I am all for keeping an eye on folk and making sure that they are not lonely but there is a big difference between lonely and alone. I am also a big believer in respecting and enjoying your "elderlies" they have such knowledge to impart and are great company - am sure they are very much under appreciated in today's society and that is such a shame.

When we have "do's" in the village - esp. of a dining nature, they are basically set up with couples in mind. Singles are positioned where it is deemed to be politically suitable or on a table by themselves as if a group of "lepers". When it comes to booking to go places, esp accommodation, we are penalised by having to pay a single supplement. A certain fee I can understand but some are really excessive.I am sure these fees are set by people who are in "couples" who may not have been single for a long time and forget how it is to be single.

I just wish that people who are lucky enough to have someone to share their life with would think before they make comments that upset those of us who are for one reason or another on our own. Even though Im happy to be single it doesnt mean I dont have any feelings. I also hope that firms will consider the marketing value of singles and stop penalising us. Our money is as good as the next consumer's and there are a lot of us out here in the real world.

World Wide Photo Walk Peterborough Cathedral

What a grand way to spend an afternoon! And what weather! Couldnt have ordered better!

A good way to meet people with a similar interest but each of us very different. There were just shy of a dozen of us and we set off on our very relaxed journey around the Cathedral just after the agreed 1pm meet time. There was plenty of time to take photographs, chat, enjoy the weather and surroundings. Our walk leader, @TipSquirrel made sure everyone was ok & that no one got left behind when we moved between areas, pretty much the perfect host I guess :) Oh & he did manage to take some photographs of his own I believe. By the time we got back to the starting point, a cup of tea and a slice of yummy cake were much needed and appreciated, thanks to "Coffee & Cookies".

I had never been on anything like this before and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.. think there may even be a few half decent photographs too.

I know the heat and concentration certainly tired me out but Id recommend anyone who might be interested to just get brave & give it a try.
Life is for living after all :)

Many thanks to my fellow photowalkers for their company & making it a fun afternoon & special thanks to @TipSquirrel for leading us on our merry way :-)

Ooops a long pause then....

Just looked at my blog and realise its nearly 4months since I posted anything here..though in my defence work has been pretty manic. Long days and when I get free time Im trying to make the most of that as well.
Plans to improve my working hours are coming slowly to fruition so that I hope to be one job less by about Christmas time. In the meantime, Im looking to get one sculpture made up , hoping to find time to make at least 2 rag dolls and of course Im off out with the camera at most available free moments which will lead me on to my next post....

Do we have a guardian angel?

I dont know the answer to that but I am sure that there are more things going on in this world than we can see or control.

And so to my journey home last evening...
On my route to and from work,there is a 2 mile stretch of winding road from which I turn off to the right at a t junction that cuts back on itself at a bad angle. The whole stretch needs driving with much respect. Much of it is solid white lines, there are plenty of chevron markers to indicate bends and yet every few weeks or so you will see a car in a field or a piece of hedge taped off.

I have driven along this road since I very first came up to this part of the world in 1986/7 so its not like I'm unfamiliar with it.

Last night, on my way home I was driving along as usual when a saloon car came speeding up behind me. It isnt possible to overtake and I was doing just under 60mph where I could but slowing for the bends as I normally do. Two bends before I turn off,a strange shadow (its the only way I can describe it)passed over the car.In fact I thought it was the saloon car overtaking me but no, he was still glued to my bumper. I indicated to turn right and slowed, watching him in my mirror.. he wasnt backing off at all, I got to the point where I turn, which has a dip to obscure approaching traffic(told you its a dodgy bit of road) & I turned. Now I admit, I was bothered by the goon behind me and that is why I never looked as well as I normally do to see if the road was clear... as I turned I could see 3 cars approaching. I dont know how I got across the road without an accident.

It still makes me shiver at the thought,I know you will think me daft but as I drove home.. I wondered.. was that shadow my guardian angel moving past to prevent what might have happened?

I dont know. I never will know but whatever happened there I am grateful for it and I appologise sincerely to the drivers whose path I drove across. As for the idiot who was behind me.. I doubt he even realised what he was doing !!

Pubs called "The Vine" & other things...

I have been lucky enough to go away 3 times already this year... thanks mainly to spotting and booking very cheap deals with Travelodge which allow me to have a break for as little as £10 a night. My other stay was in the most gorgeous B&B @nicelittleplace nr Leominster to which I shall return later this year hopefully but that is a whole other tale for another day.

My reason for writing today is to pass comment on certain things that have cropped up time and again as I travel this country. They wont put me off but how many others will be deterred I wonder... so PR people, tourist info gurus, town planners.. please listen up

Signs & Directions

Not all of us have SatNav.. it is a device I am really not keen on.. I can read a map, am happy to buy maps of a local area and at least I remember landmarks & dont just blindly follow a faceless voice. When putting signs up in a town .. get someone from out of the area to check if they work or are correct...Kidderminster obviously doesnt want visitors.. the signs for town centre took me into a car park attached to a shopping precinct. I didnt want to shop.. I wanted to see Kidderminster but apparently its a secret as I fear is Basingstoke .. Ive not managed to find my way to the town centre despite following signs that indicate it is not too far distant from where I am staying. Ringroads may take traffic out of the town but that is surely the problem .. as a traveller you dont get to see the town that you may want to stop at and explore.. you just get taken on a lengthy detour past it which brings me to my next point..

Carparks

When I visited Gloucester back in January.. I took the first sign for town centre car park... found myself in a very expensive NCP car park.. not best pleased but paid up as I foolishly believed the signs... when I got down to the Waterways museum... I found I could have parked there for the same time for less than half the price. I was not happy but it was too late,the fee was paid and I felt I had been stitched up! I now make a point of ignoring the first car park sign to investigate other options though this backfired in one town.. there was only the one car park in an obscure setting so I just carried on & saved my money to spend somewhere else. When you find a carpark, why are there so many complicated options to pay for your parking place?? Today, in Newbury I think was the best(worst) to date... I followed the signs for car parks.. ended up in one at Bear Lane..ticket machines are in bus stop type shelters.. head there only to find that machine out of order... follow instructions to another shelter in an adjoining carpark only to realise that there is no fee payable on Bank holidays. Upon reading all the notices.. I think these carparks are normally a barrier/ticket operated system with cctv and all sorts of gizmos.. sure this kit is all incredibly expensive and a normal machine would be far more economical and user friendly!
Please can we have better signs indicating car parking options and make parking simpler and user friendly .. I dont want to have to take a degree in order to park the car!

Next a plea to
Tourist Information .....

Why oh why when it is a day that people are likely to be visiting somewhere are the Tourist information offices closed ????? #Newbury today #Gloucester in January
Surely Bank holidays are the days you should be open .. or am I missing something? I thought the clue was in the name.. it seems its more "tourist disinformation, please dont come near us we want a quiet life ".

Town Museums

These appear to be buildings that specialise in being closed - not great if you want to learn more about a place and its history. I took great pains to look for the museum in Gloucester to find it padlocked shut... saw there was a museum in Newbury today , thought it would be worth a visit but only to find it too is closed. Now perhaps Gloucester can expect not to have too many visitors in January but its now Easter - so whats going on Newbury????

Customer service

Which brings me to The Vine... this seems to be a popular pub name in Hampshire .. still havent quite worked out why but will do some digging and find out in time.
I went to Stockbridge this morning.. a really lovely place where I had a good mooch along both sides of the street before deciding a cup of coffee would be nice prior to setting off once more. There was a posh deli/coffee place which looked too "in" for me and another that looked like Id feel guilty for dropping a crumb so I settled on a pub called The Vine which had a board outside advertising among other delights, morning coffee.
I headed inside and saw a gent behind the bar who was on the phone.. he continued his conversation, with a supplier, for several minutes, at no time breaking off to say hello or apologise for the delay. He made a point of saying he didnt want to be at work (whether this was a joke or not was difficult to ascertain). By the time he finished his call, there were three other customers besides myself. There was no apology from him nor greeting as I placed my order for coffee, nor to the others as he served them. I drank my coffee and decided that it was a shame I had selected this place as it had put a dampener on my visit.
Why do people work in service industries if they actually dont want to serve the public????? Pubs are hard work.I know from watching the owners and staff at my local - its not a case of standing behind a bar and chatting to your mates, there are many hours before and after closing to make a place run like clockwork - very much a case of serene swan on the surface but paddling like mad beneath to keep everything running smoothly.

I am born & bred in this country, know the language and the quirks but think about if I was a newcomer and faced some of the things Ive mentioned above .. would I want to remain? Or come again ? Or recommend to anyone else? In Europe, as with a lot of things they generally have customer service to a tee .. nothing is too much trouble.. gifts are nicely wrapped as a part of the purchase -yesterday,a gent had to ask for paper to wrap a gift he was buying at Salisbury cathedral shop- he shouldnt have had to, it should have been gift wrapped upon purchase.

The great British public it seems, are spending more of their holidays on these shores, so surely now is the time to be really making sure that customer service in ALL AREAS is absolutely the best so they have less reason to head back abroad in future years

Biker chick? Me? No No No

Its a label Ive had applied to me several times the past few days, since I said I wanted to go to Donington Park to watch the World Superbikes on practice day.

I like engines.. always have done since childhood.. be it mowers..fishing boats, powerboats, cars, lorries, motorbikes, - its engines. I have always preferred the company of men, my best friends have bar one always been male, right back to infant school ( playschool wasnt a common thing when I was a littl'un). Engines and workshops, spanners , wrenches, hammers,gauges, all have a great fascination for me.

Ok, so I know I tweeted sumat about testosterone, leather and oil yesterday but its not a sexual thing at all.I just find engines amazing and to watch a bike come flying down the track at over 100mph yesterday, the sounds and smells it's all just pure fascination. How you can tweak and tune a piece of metal to produce that much energy and power? - I darent go for a pass to the paddock Id never watch a bike on the track!

At work, one of our customers does repair work on ship's engines, I so want to go and see their workshop and I'm sure they'd say yes if I asked but I've resisted so far.

I guess girl's grammar school 30yrs ago wasnt the place to be if you wanted to be a mechanic and tbh I dont think I ever have wanted to follow it as a career. Engineering to our career's teacher was of the genetic or theoretical variety not the muck n bullets end of the scale.Luckily, Ive never been too far from engines and workshops be it through work or leisure so I get a "fix" of fumes on a regular basis.

I went to Donington because I thought it would make a good morning out taking photographs of something different to my usual landscapes. It made a brilliant morning out... I even took some passable photos but my best souvenir of the morning is the several recordings I made with my phone of the engines screaming out their power, slowing to a virtual stop and the powering away up a hill. They actually gave me more pleasure than I can put into words. Now, I know lots of you will think "sad cow" I dont mind, not many will understand but a few of you just might..

Purple hair & other things people pretend werent there

A couple of years ago, I dyed my hair bright pink...it was done for a reason and was a temporary measure just for a few weeks.

I was amazed at the way people reacted. Some reacted in a good way, others were horrified and said so but there were a good number who tried to pretend it hadnt happened, that I had normal conventional coloured hair. There was no mistaking it - it was bright...and pink ...and apparently you arent supposed to admit that you dye your hair by making such a statement.

A few weeks passed, I reverted to my usual ash blonde and all was well with the world again. Last summer,having spent the first six months ill with my gall bladder, I promised myself I would use up the box of purple hair dye I had, once I felt well, just for a laugh. Once more it drew varying opinions but the difference was ,I really liked it and so it has stayed.

People can like or dislike, it matters not to me, nor did it when it was pink. I know I am happy with who I am , I dont need anyones approval to be me. And my hair colour doesnt change the person that I am although there are a number of people who really cant deal with it and that is the point of this rambling.

You will see from my previous two posts that I recently found a lump in my breast.. this is also something that people would prefer you didnt mention. Dont get me wrong, I had a lot of support from friends in real life and on the internet but it surprised me the number of people who obviously felt uncomfortable that I had had the temerity to mention it.

No matter who we are, we are here for a limited time and that is how it should be, eternal life would be very strange. And while I would love to just go to sleep one day not wake up (a long time hence I would hope), we cant choose how we go. Cancer is no longer the death sentence it once was and although not all curable many cancers can be managed. So why brush it under the carpet and pretend its not happening?

It is all the little and big things that happen to us that go to make us the individuals that we are. Individuality is important, I know Im a bit eccentric but in a good way I hope.If everyone goes one way, I tend to go the other just to see what they are missing.

I fully appreciate thats lots of people arent as comfortable with who they are, there is a lot of media pressure to be ...similar... perfect....the best piece of advice I can give is to ignore all of this.

Learn to love the person that you are, appreciate your faults, accentuate your good points and we all have plenty of both. And face up to reality, accept that life isnt all "roses round the door and happy ever after". It is easier to deal with things than to hide them away, they just become big scary monsters in a dark place if you let them but face them and they shrink to a manageable size.Lots of the time it can feel like wave after wave of problems washing over you but there are good times and the bad bits make the good bits feel even better. Learn to appreciate the simple things that dont cost money, like a walk in the park or the country, look at the insects toiling or the flowers blooming.Make the most of every day because Im sure there are never going to be enough to do all of the things we would wish to.

And the result is..

It was a cyst - well two actually and they were drained and dealt with yesterday while I was at the clinic.
I have to say the NHS and more especially the breast care clinic at the Glenfield Hospital have been brilliant - 12 days from finding the lump to dealing with it - dont think anyone can knock that!
So having now had a really good kip and feeling a bit tender on one side its onwards and upwards once more.
Have a lovely weekend everyone - I certainly intend to :)

My hand brushed across...

Last Saturday night, I was starting a bad cold and had fallen asleep with the laptop running on the bed as normal. I woke about 10.30ish and decided to catch up with life in the twitterverse while I had been asleep.

This involved propping myself up on one elbow, sort of lying on my side.. not easy to describe.. anyhow during the course of fidgeting to get comfortable, my hand brushed the side of my right breast.. hesitated and retraced its steps... no mistaking .. there was a lump....! I do check myself regularly and definitely hadn't noticed this before.

In the shock of the moment I blurted this info on twitter... not a bad thing I think though I appreciate not comfortable for all of my followers. Thankfully the lovely folk who have become friends over the past year rallied to my support . I felt again, it was still there... so no mistaking ,it needed sorting...

Luckily I already had an appointment with the Doctor for Tuesday afternoon on another matter, not that I was going to avoid the issue anyway... rather be told I'm an idiot than hope things will improve on their own. The Doctor felt it before she said anything so I knew I wasn't being daft. Anyway, she seemed to think it is most likely a cyst but has referred me to the breast clinic at Leicester to be certain. Yesterday the appointment arrived - for next Thursday afternoon. I had a suspected lump a few years ago and was referred to the same clinic. Its a really brilliant service and I know that by the end of next Thursday afternoon I will know if it is indeed a cyst or some other type of lump- good or bad and some idea of how it will be dealt with .

I still cant make up my mind if I should have blurted it out or kept quiet but to be honest, it feels better sharing it - shared is halved after all. I cant thank enough my twitter friends who have been great in their support and I will post next week when I have been to the hospital and I know what it is that has the nerve to hide in my breast.

Its been a long time.......

Well its been six months since my last post and what a change.

The operation to remove my gall bladder was a most wonderful success and though it took longer than I expected to feel better,what a difference. It would seem that it had been giving me grief for a lot longer than the first six months of this year as now we are parted I feel and look so much better than for the past two to three years. My gallstone, a rather perfect 9mm marble now lives in a jar in my bedside table (its standard to get given the contents I gather - mine was prettier than some).

This has proved a great boost to the ego and although it has been a bit of a nuisance having to buy new clothes to fit me its really nice to be proud of the woman who looks back at me in the mirror. Another change which wasn't planned to be permanent was my hair colour. For the past few years I have been palest ash blonde but just every now and then its good to ring the changes. I had some "purple passion" permanent colour in the bathroom from a previous "moment of madness", I tried it, I liked it, so I am still purple headed. It makes me smile the reaction it gets or doesn't as people try to pretend they haven't seen what they have. General consensus is that is suits me but more importantly I am happy with it and that is all that matters so I'm the "mad bird with the purple hair". I gather in the cities it is quite in vogue to have pink or purple hair this season but I hasten to point out I never do things cos I've seen them in a magazine, I do them just because I can and I feel like it :)

Once my recovery was well under way, I was lucky enough to be treated to my new DSLR camera in June when my parents came to visit. That led to a whole summer of taking photographs with renewed passion, early mornings to catch the sunrise, an almost indecent obsession with cereal crops, clover on the front lawn, anything I could take photographs of I did, just so I could begin to learn how the camera worked and what I could potentially do with it.

Some of the results I have been very pleased with.I am my own toughest critic and although I take lots of photos, I work on the principle of taking the right photo in the first place, rather than relying on editing software to provide the result. Next hurdle is to get some printed professionally and see if they are saleable.... almost there but still needing a bit of push.

Similar with the artwork really, lots of ideas but little enough time to actually put anything down in hard form. I do know I definitely have a "thing" for pattern, be it the pattern of ploughing lines in a field or a weir. Lots of photographs are taken for use in my art in the future and I will get there.

I am still doing book keeping & haulage to pay the bills but a couple of book keeping jobs have or are about to disappear and 'Im quite relaxed about this as it will allow more time for the art/photography, a gentle transition of power is probably not a bad thing.

As for travel and music, I was finally well enough to go to see Mumford & Sons in October at Rock City, Nottingham - even got inspired to some artwork that night by their music. In a couple of weeks I'm going to see Scissor Sisters again in Birmingham, that's my treat to me. I also love watching the live streams on a Sunday evening at www.cafenoodle.ning.com .I've this desire to own a mandolin..... at least if I get one they look pretty standing in a corner. In October I headed up to Lancaster and got to meet up with some of the lovely people I have got to know via Twitter, it was a great weekend and I plan to head up again next spring. In the meantime, I'm taking advantage of offers for cheap hotel rooms to go for overnight weekend breaks in random places.
Places I have never visited and where I can get the best bargains, gets me out of the village which can get a bit claustrophobic - its good to remember there is a whole wide world out there. I just wish I had more time to explore it- definitely something to work towards.

I'm still as poor as a church mouse financially but feel so lucky to be feeling so much better I am really high on life at the moment, long may it continue, I like feeling well. When there are so many people who have dreadful illness, often life threatening, it makes you realise how short our time may be and not to waste a minute of it. That doesn't mean travelling the world or trying to save the world, it just means trying to wring every last ounce out of every day.

That's enough for now and in lots of ways its hardly touched the surface, better not to leave 6 months in between posts methinks....

Maybe Maybe not

Well the merry month of May is upon us, the garden looks gorgeous as it always does this time of year. Id post some photos if I could work out how to...!

It also brings my operation closer - just 4 more days now before my gallbladder and I are separated and I can get back to feeling well and living again.
Its all very nice having things done for you but Im an independent sort and quite capable of doing my own thing - well normally.

This illness has also put on hold my plans to see about doing things that I want to to earn money as opposed to doing things that I can to earn money. A juggling act as there is only me so I have to ensure there is enough income to keep the rent and bills paid.

A plus from this episode has been signing up to twitter which has led to me chatting with a whole new and diverse group of peeps from all over. My music education has improved, Ive got to learn all sorts about other folk and shared a laugh or two along the way and long may it continue.
Another plus is the 2 stone in weight I have lost- tho its not a method I would recommend

My confidence in my paintings has also grown as by letting peeps see some of my work it is judged for its own sake and seems to meet favourable comment.
I need to get sorted with the various things that I make and do and see about dipping a toe into selling some.
I should get new camera sorted soon and once Im mobile again then I can get to taking some really good landscapes again but in a format that will make good quality enlargements and prints.
I have these gifts so I think its time I made use of them and put sums on the back burner again.

Life should be about the journey and the experiences along the way not just paying the bills and existing. Admittedly my health has been an issue for the past few years but once gall bladder is sorted, the rest of me feels fine. I just need to get a balance so I have a quality of life.
Id also like to travel more - in this country I mean - its such a wonderful place and tho Ive seen a fair bit there is still loads more to see and who knows perhaps even somewhere more wonderful to live than where I am now.

So heres to the future :)

Easter Eggs and Bunnies

Easter Sunday, not an egg or bunny in the house! The weather is true to April - cold breeze, sunshine one minute and a downpour the next. None of which I have been out to experience as I have felt really unwell this weekend. Despite this I have managed 2 watercolours and I hope to have a try at an acrylic piece tomorrow which will mean I am off on one of my surreal journeys and I have some ideas already.
Will be interested to see what a nights sleep adds to these thoughts.

There was the most lovely photo of Broadstairs harbour in the paper today, which I have kept to one side, not to paint but just for the memories of my mid teens to early twenties. I know I moved inland partly to get away from the sea but theres no denying its in my soul and I do have days when I miss the fishing boats and lifeboats, the nearby reservoirs just arent the same!

The garden is looking really pretty, the grass has greened up, the daffs are out as is the forsythia hedge and the flowering currant isnt too far behind. It would look even better if I could get out there to do some weeding and tidying but that just inst feasible at the moment so I will have to continue to be patient a bit longer.